‘Welcome to the 333th Summer Quidditch League! I hope you will all enjoy the first game this season! And now, I want a standing ovation for the lovely ladies of the Holyhead Harpies!
‘Towell!
‘Wiliams!
‘Jackson!
‘Johnson!
‘McCormic!
‘Mullen!
‘Annnnd….. Smith!
‘And please welcome the Chudley Cannons to the stadium with a big applause!’
‘Pitch!
‘Grant!
‘Condor!
‘Harrison!
‘Polkins!
‘Hunter!
‘Annnnd….. Michaels!
‘And, not to forget, our lovely referee from the Netherlands: Ellen de Jong!

‘And theeeeeeey’re OFF! The balls are in the air! And Jackson has the quaffle! She makes a fine backpass to Johnson – Wiliams – Johnson – Jackson – Johnson! And Johnson flies to the right hoop and she – That must hurt! A good placed bludger by Hunter. And Grant catches the quaffle! He passes to Condor. Grant – Harrison – Condor – Harrison! That was a foul! De Jong gives Harrison a penalty because of cobbing by Jackson! Harrison flies to the hoop – and Towell misses! Harrison SCORES! 00 Holyhead Harpies versus 10 Chudley Cannons!
‘Jackson has the quaffle. She passes to Johnson – Jackson – Wiliams – Jackson – Johnson! And Johnson is blocked by Condor! Condor has the quaffle! He passes to Grant! And he – a bludger hits Grant in his stomach. He drops the quaffle. Harrison and Johnson both fly with full speed to the quaffle and – the bump into each other. They both fall down. And both teams ask for a time out!’

‘Johnson and Harrison are both conscious again and they fly up. And the referee whistles and the match has begun again! Wiliams catches the quaffle. She passes to Johnson and – was that the snitch? Smith and Michaels both dive to the ground with top speed! Smith pulls up in time but Michaels crashes on the ground! That must hurt! His nose doesn’t look good! Time out for the Chudley Cannons!’

‘The score is 10 Holyhead Harpies versus 10 Chudley Cannons. Johnson has made a goal while we all followed the dangerous Wronski Feint Smith performed perfectly. And the match goes on! Condor has the quaffle, he’s dodging a bludger sent by McCormic and – that is stooging! Grant and Harrison rammed Towell aside so Condor could score! And he does! De Jong should whistle – yes, she does, and she gives the Holyhead Harpies one, no TWO penalties! Wiliams and Jackson are going to take them. Wiliams flies to the hoops and… a brilliant catch of Pitch! He throws the quaffle to Jackson to let her take the second penalty. Jackson flies with top speed to Pitch, she’s flying to the right hoop, and – she SCORES in the left hoop! An impressive feint of Kim Jackson! The score is 20 Chudley Cannons versus 20 Holyhead Harpies!’

‘And the match goes on again. Harrison has the quaffle! Condor – Harrison – Cond – no, a nice backpass of Harrison to Grant! Grant flies to the left hoop, only Towell in his way. And he – a nice placed bludger by Polkins – hits Towell in the stomach. She falls down and Grant SCO – no, he misses! Mullen has batted the same bludger to Grant! Grant climbs on his broom again and Towell flies up. And JUST IN TIME, people! Condor has caught the quaffle and he flies to the middle hoop. Towell isn’t looking well, I wonder if she can have this one! And Grant is approaching her. And he SCORES! 20 Holyhead Harpies versus 30 Chudley Cannons! And the captain of the Holyhead Harpies askes a time out for their keeper.’

‘Annnnnnnd… we can go on with the match again! And Wiliams has the quaffle. She backpasses to Jackson – Johnson – Jackson – Wiliams! And they are flying with the Hawkshead Attacking Formation to Pitch, they are top-class chasers, people! Also Pitch doesn’t seem to know what he has to do with these three ladies – did I say ladies? I mean dangerous women! – rushing to him. And Johnson has the quaffle, she rushes to the right hoop. And Pitch BLOCKS! He’s a brilliant keeper! Johnson looks disappointed. Cheer up girl, you are a top-class chaser!’

‘The score is still 20 Holyhead Harpies versus 30 Chudley Cannons. Condor has the quaffle. He passes to Grant and Grant flies to the left hoop – and Jackson is cobbing again! The referee whistles twice! Two penalties for the Chudley Cannons! I would be more careful, Jackson!’

‘Grant is flying with a bleeding nose to Towell. And he SCORES! 20 Holyhead Harpies versus 40 Chudley Cannons! And who is going to take the second penalty? We’re all waiting… And Harrison flies forwards to the hoops. But Towell blocks! She must have seen somehow Harrison made a feint! We seem to have two exellent keepers today! I want a big applause for Pitch and Towell!’

‘Johnson has the quaffle. She dodges a bludger Hunter sent to her. And she’s flying to the hoops. Will she sco – And Smith and Michaels are diving again! Have they seen the Snitch? They are rushing to the ground! O, I hope they don’t crash! Michaels is stretching out his hand and – a bludger hits him full in the face! Good job, Mullen! This is Smith’s chance! Michael lies unconscious on the ground.’
‘AND SHE HAS THE SNITCH! This brings the score to 170 Holyhead Harpies versus 40 Chudley Cannons because of a great block by Pitch and a brilliant catch by Smith, and, not to forget, an exellent placed bludger by Mullen on the right time! And this ends the match! The Holyhead Harpies are going home knowing they have their first three points in this Summer Quidditch League! Give our fabulous players one more applause!’

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Ratings and Comments

#1Dayyaan Arnold's AvatarDayyaan Arnold (rated this 0)

it was ta hard mach we will do better next time i dayyaan arnold is going to try hardder we as in the team are going to do better

#2Debora Lace's AvatarDebora Lace (rated this 6)

#3Megan Morgan's AvatarMegan Morgan (rated this 8)

Fun to read, and it was easy to picture it in my mind.

#4Maria Appleblossem's AvatarMaria Appleblossem (rated this 10)

great!

#5Bev Grey's AvatarBev Grey (rated this 10)

This was a hard task and I think you did a excellent job, great detail :)

#6Emma Walker's AvatarEmma Walker (rated this 6)

Nice story very creative

#7Ashley James's AvatarAshley James (rated this 7)

A lot of action, it was invigorating. Nice job.

#8Jinxy Jo's AvatarJinxy Jo (rated this 8)

#9Jacqualine Snape's AvatarJacqualine Snape (rated this 8)

Very well done, I really got the impression of speed and action.

#10Deborah  Goldman's AvatarDeborah Goldman (rated this 7)

Great commentary.

#11Annabella Cullen's AvatarAnnabella Cullen (rated this 7)

#12Luke Hall's AvatarLuke Hall (rated this 6)

#13Callidora Doyle's AvatarCallidora Doyle (rated this 8)

I like it, loads

#14Shyan Leftpaw's AvatarShyan Leftpaw (rated this 9)

Ooh yes, this is wonderfully fast paced and exiting.

I love ow you made it descriptive while not going into too muc detail and keeping it realistic. Great job!

#15Marguerite Davenport's AvatarMarguerite Davenport (rated this 7)

Story was well written. Really good structure. A little wordy could of had more action.

#16Andrea Slate's AvatarAndrea Slate (rated this 8)

I thought this was very well written, and easy to "hear" while reading, which is important for written commentary. Nice job!

#17Zach Goldenfarb's AvatarZach Goldenfarb (rated this 8)

Brilliant story!, but you could add a bit more details of how each event happens

#18Marcie Hobber's AvatarMarcie Hobber (rated this 7)

An exciting match! I did miss some humour in here though, but it was a good commentary. I was a bit disappointed that the Chudley Kannons didn't win, though..Well, maybe next time! ;)

#19Darcey Goode's AvatarDarcey Goode (rated this 7)

Very enjoyable, nice quick pace and some good fouls in there. Have you announced the Keepers first though? That really confused me, I'm so used to it being Chasers, Beaters, Keeper, Seeker.

#20Daniela Alonso's AvatarDaniela Alonso (rated this 6)

#21Coryphee Etoile's AvatarCoryphee Etoile (rated this 8)

Yayyy! Love both teams desperately!

#22May Lee's AvatarMay Lee (rated this 8)

well done :)

#23Keelin Cavanagh's AvatarKeelin Cavanagh (rated this 9)

Really well written, and full of action. I definitely felt like I was at the match, you should be a Quidditch commentator!

#24Prof. Ulol Kimil's AvatarProf. Ulol Kimil (rated this 7)

Interesting description of the game.

#25Amber Kirawin Snape's AvatarAmber Kirawin Snape (rated this 4)

#26Evangeline Harper's AvatarEvangeline Harper (rated this 8)

I really enjoyed it. Very good detailed actions also. I didn't like however, the way you exaggerated some words. But other than that, it was fantastic

#27Lynne Brooks's AvatarLynne Brooks (rated this 8)

Very good. A very detailed commentary. It was confusing in the least, and you could understand everything that was happening.

#28Ben Rosner's AvatarBen Rosner (rated this 10)

#29Sully Dark's AvatarSully Dark (rated this 8)

I like it, I could Imagine it really clearly from your writing

#30Allison Jameson's AvatarAllison Jameson (rated this 7)

I thoght out of the 4 it is the most original

#31Leigh Van Voreen's AvatarLeigh Van Voreen (rated this 10)

This is wonderful. It sounds just like a Lee Jordan commentation.

#32Adeliene Cromwell's AvatarAdeliene Cromwell (rated this 6)

It was good, but not overly interesting!

#33Rorey Padfoot's AvatarRorey Padfoot (rated this 7)

#34Zenix James's AvatarZenix James (rated this 5)

#35Mackenzie Krey's AvatarMackenzie Krey (rated this 10)

It was a really good story. The commentation felt so life-like and excitting, not some montoneous person reading off a paper. Good job.

#36Iselilja Mira Mickelsdottir's AvatarIselilja Mira Mickelsdottir (rated this 5)

#37Sevelyn Snape's AvatarSevelyn Snape (rated this 10)

Lmao!..I absolutely love it! Very amusing, well written, and kept me glued to the screen. A few of the blows however, were a bit exaggerated, but it was great!!.

#38Nadine Borovicka's AvatarNadine Borovicka (rated this 9)

I liked the match. good use of Quidditch terms (formations and such).

#39Penny Hung's AvatarPenny Hung (rated this 7)

#40Aileen Thomas's AvatarAileen Thomas (rated this 6)

Aside from some misspellings and abuse of the word 'and', this was a pretty realistic commentary (well, at least from the perspective of someone who doesn't know much about Quidditch aside from the very basics).

This part made me laugh: "Also Pitch doesn’t seem to know what he has to do with these three ladies – did I say ladies? I mean dangerous women! – rushing to him."

This was a well-written commentary and one could almost imagine themselves to be right there, watching the game.

#41Julian McKendry's AvatarJulian McKendry (rated this 7)

A bit of confusion on referencing and no mention of score tieing at 10 each but other than that it was good. Also sounded like Johnson, Jackson and Haris were hogging the spot light.

#42Lily Jadderson's AvatarLily Jadderson (rated this 10)

I loved the commentary! It was fabulous!!! The power in your writing is so amazing!!

#43Alassandra Volkov's AvatarAlassandra Volkov (rated this 7)

It makes you feel like you're actually there.

#44Clearana Hosker's AvatarClearana Hosker (rated this 8)

You did great. there was a pint of lee jordan in there;)

#45Colleen Lem's AvatarColleen Lem (rated this 8)

nice, descriptive

#46Lera Kamerat's AvatarLera Kamerat (rated this 10)

Wow, this is good.

#47Crystal Clementine's AvatarCrystal Clementine (rated this 10)

nice

#48Ayahzy Nahki's AvatarAyahzy Nahki (rated this 9)

That was very good. Reminded me of Ludo Bagman commentating the Quidditch World Cup. I'm glad you included some quidditch moves and fouls in there. I was just wondering...did Angelina Johnson join the Holyhead Harpies after Hogwarts? XD

#49Ashlee Sully's AvatarAshlee Sully (rated this 8)

Very interesting! I could definitely visualise it!

#50May Moon's AvatarMay Moon (rated this 9)

This is very good.

#51Amanda Blackback's AvatarAmanda Blackback (rated this 9)

Try not to use the same words too much, you can leave "and" out more often, and even though it's written like that in the book too, I'm still kind of annoyed by the "annnnd"'s and the "theeeeeeyyyyy're"'s. Other than that, great! I like the action, the way you tell the story really let's you read it as if you were there.

#52Askeron Kyle's AvatarAskeron Kyle (rated this 7)

#53Mairead Falcourt's AvatarMairead Falcourt (rated this 10)

I love the fast actionof it. That was very, very good!

#54Rose Alstien's AvatarRose Alstien (rated this 6)

well written, i like the ladies/dangerous women thing, but you didn't include the time outs, and if someone was unconcious, wouldn't the game have paused???

#55Castora Grimsby's AvatarCastora Grimsby (rated this 10)

I feel like I was right there in the action!!

#56Aubrey Kay's AvatarAubrey Kay (rated this 6)

#57Dylan Knapp's AvatarDylan Knapp (rated this 8)